i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
