One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
