the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
