3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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