Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
