fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
