I am in a vortex of obligation.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
