what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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