Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
