you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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