Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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