I want to make a zoo with you.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
