the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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