I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
