She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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