you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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