he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
