My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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