I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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