i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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