I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
