I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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