He had one of those small greek statue penises
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's shark week go big or go home
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
