i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Welp...herpes.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
