he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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