Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
