I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
