i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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