You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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