Walk of Shame. In a state park.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
