I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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