Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
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The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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