I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
