if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
