It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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