I am in a vortex of obligation.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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