i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
