Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
