don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
