quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize