I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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