your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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