good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Found the puke drawer
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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