i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
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