why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
