oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
