We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
