I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
