I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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