Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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