Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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