I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
