I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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