i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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