Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
