oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
