I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
look no pants
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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