we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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