I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
