I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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