I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
