I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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