he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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