Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
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