goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
