i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
