you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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