I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
zippers are such a cool invention
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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