we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
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Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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