you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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